I never believed my level of torture was real. If I believed my torture was real I would have died. Not understanding laboratory clinical sadomasochistic bullshit..drowning, burning, waterboarding, electro therapy, and drug stimulation specific speed, blended with lsd, heroin..quite a Nazi cocktail. That blend formed a protective barrier around my psychosis shielded my core personality. My best advice then should have kept me sober. I would have never clicked into duel personality, I would have died from sheer fright. Scientist thought drugs would control me. Instead I controlled scientists. drugs scientist did not understand why it how? Calculated training princess and pea, Cinderella, Alice in wonderland, and wizard of Oz training. White rabbit training, early feminization,