12:56 pm.

Writing about trauma feels more traumatic. Admitting physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. My high school senior thesis about very topic.

I am my own case study. Lends in my shame of having to write pleasantries in growing up.

I hate reflection looking into a mirror having eyes cast upon my fractured soul. Cringing knowing how dismembered, disconnected, and segmented. Mind, heart, and body 3 paralleled entities.

What writing perspective to use? Love feeling indecisive.. Normally I'm indecisive about dinner. paradox people feel I'm put together. Heh!

I stand str-8, eerily quiet, and didn't realize how my quietness unnerves others. Then again when I speak umm. People wouldn't expect to hear words fly from my lips rather shocking, grotesque, and realistic. Then I revert into my shell.

Truthfully, I dress like a bum living for comfort, my hair always a mess, but always clean I love smelling fragrant.

Favorite fragrances: Angel, amber, hypnotic poison, and be delicious.

Love soft citrus, vanilla, bergamot, lime. Harsh artificial scents make me gag. My hair, nails, and soft skin. My skin feels like silk,

I touch others with feather light delicacy. The same fashion grandmother Cho touched me. I miss my grandmother's touch velvety hands ever so gentle. Touch is important and meaningful.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid allowing others to touch me. If around family I'm comfortable with I'm alright with touch. if people look inside out others would be frightened in what's viewed.

I'm not looking forward to pain, depression, and feeling physically ill. Fuck path to self healing is fucking over rated.

I need to make changes. I'm sick of beating my head against wall apparently I haven't learned shit. If I'm repeating same fucking mistakes.

I want to feel complete, whole, and healthy having ability to walk away from anything unhealthy in My world. Ability in utilizing Tesla coil, I am receiver and transmitter took Me a long time in figuring mystery.

I hope thought scares whom tried controlling Me. A lil late in game..I've been meditating and transmuting. Clearing negative trees helpful Sakura, dogwood, willow, magnolia, redwood, Sequoia.

I planted meditative trees, trees are flourishing 17 yrs of growth.