12:56 pm.

Writing about trauma feels more traumatic. Admitting physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. My high school senior thesis was about very topic.

I am my own case study. Lends in my shame of having to write pleasantries in growing up.

I hate reflection looking into a mirror having my eyes reflect into my soul. Cringing knowing how dissected, disconnected, and segmented. Mind, heart, and body 3 different entities paralleled.

What writing perspective do I want to use? Love feeling indecisive.. Normally I'm indecisive about dinner. paradox people feel I'm put together.

I stand str-8, eerily quiet, and didn't realize how my quietness unnerves others. Truthfully, I dress like a bum living for comfort, my hair always a mess, but always clean I love smelling fragrant.

Love soft citrus, vanilla, bergamot, lime. Harsh scents make me gag. My hair, nails, and skin soft. if people look inside out others would be frightened in what's viewed.

Favorite fragrances: Angel and hypnotic poison,

I'm not looking forward to pain, depression, and feeling physically ill. Fuck path to self healing is fucking over rated.

I need to make changes. I'm sick of beating my head against wall apparently I haven't learned shit. If I'm repeating same fucking mistakes.

I want to feel complete, whole, and healthy having ability to walk away from anything unhealthy in My world. Ability in utilizing Tesla coil, I am receiver and transmitter took Me a long time in figuring mystery.

I hope thought scares whom tried controlling Me. A lil late in game..I've been meditating and transmuting. Clearing negative trees helpful Sakura, dogwood, willow, magnolia, redwood, Sequoia.